Tales From The Enchiridion
by Resolve
Summary: There are many tales. Some awesome. Others not so much. But every single one of them is ripe with destiny. Yes, every single one. Even that weird one with the squirrel and the hot air balloon.
1. One Lucky Prologue

A Story of Resolve

Disclaimer: Nothing gained, nothing owned.

Better Disclaimer: I don't own the Pocketwatch of All-Time. Pendleton Ward does. Meaning that he and he alone knows when its ADVENTURE TIME!

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><p>"There are legends that stand above the rest...I think. They are tales of action, perhaps featuring elements that might or <em>might not<em>, resemble romance in some fashion. Horror is also a theme, depending on certain circumstances. Maybe. Regardless, there are a few things you will probably learn, if there _is _a lesson to learn." He stopped a minute, his graying head cocked to the side, as if contemplating his next words carefully. He got up and walked in a circle around his hunched prey, then stretched his approximately tiger shaped form before continuing.

His prey rolled her eyes. She knew where this was going. She may not be a legend by any means, but even someone as young as her could see the setup to a serious of parables with a moral lesson.

"Firstly, never make a promise you can't keep." He seemed to eye her with a knowing look as he said this. Getting uncomfortably close to her, he took a sniff and wrinkled his nose at the smell. Years ago, he would have turned tail at the very stench of her. But time and hunger has made him a bit less sane than he once was. An impressive feat, considering the fact that he was _never_ sane.

"Second, when confronted with a explosive powerful enough to wipe out the planet, _again_, cut the wire that has a greenish, reddish blue sort of color." Despite the gravity of her current situation bearing down on her, her ears perked up at the prospect of a new story about her dad and uncle that she hadn't heard yet.

"After the whole bomb thing, my memory gets a bit hazy, but I'm absolutely sixty percent positive that the very last lesson that you might learn is to never trust a demon cat." He licked his lips and stared at her with his one sickly yellow eye and gave his best trusting grin. "Unless that demon cat is me."

To the young pup, his best trusting grin was _balls-scary_, and every instinct was telling her to run. But she was so close to the book, that she couldn't take off just yet. Her uncle trusted her to get it for him. So she would. She had a way of getting out of trouble.

They called her Lucky for a reason, after all.


	2. Promises, Act I

A Story of Resolve

Disclaimer: Nothing gained, nothing owned.

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**Chapter 1**

**Promise of a New Promise  
><strong> The Final Promise of the Promise-land

Act I

"Dude, are you sure you wanna do this?" Jake rubbed his head in concern, "Seriously Finn, you're trying to do _waaay _too much at once."

Finn stopped kicking out the last embers of their campfire with his foot and turned to his best bro, "No way dawg," Finn did a cartwheel to Jake and wrapped an arm around his homie and continued. "I got this dealio under wraps. You'll see."

"_Yeeeaah_, I dunno man, you're taking on a lot of favors and quests and stuff." The yellow violist wasn't going to be so easily convinced this time. He couldn't help but think Finn was finally over his head.

"C'mon, quests are where we get our jollies. It's our _thing_!" Finn shouted, complete with complementary back flip. Jake couldn't help but chuckle a bit at his bud's acrobatic antics, but he pressed on.

"Of course we go on adventures, but we usually don't take on so many at once. I haven't had a chance to jam on my viola in a while, and believe me, you don't want me to get rusty."

"Yeah, dirty orange definitely isn't your color, is it?" Finn joked, tearing down their old yellow tent and stuffing it into his worn green backpack.

Jake just ignored him and kept talking. "Listen man, for reals. Just last night, you promised Hotdog princess that you'd find her pet butterbird that she lost in the Pale Valley."

"Yeah man, and here we are." The young human made a sweeping gesture over the colorless valley below, the monotone trees blowing in the breeze.

"But two days before _that_, you agreed with Beemo that he needed some surround-sound speakers, which is all the little guy talks about now. He thinks you'll have some for his birthday this Saturday."

"I'll find some for him! There's a big pile o' junks near Marceline's. I'll look for some speakers after I help Marce move her furniture around."

Jake's voice took on a slightly suspicious tone as he narrowed his eyes. "You've been spending a lot of time with her lately. I'm starting to wonder if she's affecting your alignment! Those Chaotic evils are manipulative, dude."

Finn just scoffed. "Seriously, dude, how many times does she have to save us for you to realize she's cool?"

"Maybe when I'm not her punching bag anymore. That dame has it out for me, I swear." Jake snipped back. "Why does she need help moving her stuff anyway? As a vampire, I'm almost sure she can move stuff with her telepathic eyes, or something. Besides, you also promised Penny you'd take her to that blacksmith convention tomorrow night."

"What time does that thing start? I challenged Muscles to a wrestling match at high noon tomorrow."

Jake wiggled his arms in the air, "See what I mean?" He stretched his form out low for Finn to climb on. After his bro was on board, he started a slow trot down the hill towards The Pale Valley.

Not breaking his long legged stride, Jake turned his neck to look at Finn with a mischievous smirk. "Wrestling Muscle Princess huh? Are you finally serious about loving her?"

"Hahaha, shut up dude!"

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_The Pale Valley is infamous in all of Ooo. _

_The valley and the small forest within are absolutely uninteresting. Indeed, the Pale Valley would have been just a normal valley if it wasn't for the bizarre creatures within. The animals that lived there just didn't fit. A typical forest had deer, squirrels, and some bears here and there. The Pale Valley had Mercury iron-traps, land-rays, and most importantly, some of the last primitive rainicorns left in Ooo. The most popular theory was that after the mushroom wars, these strange creatures all followed the rainicorns here. For a time, things went well. The creatures adapted quickly, and the rainicorns seemed to make life flourish as they always did. It was truly a forest of rainbows, full of creatures that were as colorful in personality as they were in...well...color._

_Until the rainicorns went bezonkers._

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At the edge of the forest, Jake shrunk back to normal as Finn hopped off his back. Kneeling, Finn picked up a tuft of grass and examined it. It was a monotone gray, but it felt and smelled like healthy, normal grass. "Freaky," Finn whispered, "it's totally fine except the color..."

"Ift taffs diffint." Jake tried to say around a mouth full of grass, before spitting it out. "Hard to explain, but the taste isn't quite the same. Like everything's there but something's missing. Know what I'm saying?"

"Not really, old timer." The human hero responded, trying and failing to stifle a laugh at the sight of Jake's face. Blades of grass were stuck between his jowls, giving him a fake mustache. Jake morphed his left paw into an axe and struck a pose. "Check me out! I'm a lumberjack!"

_'What a cornball.' _Finn thought. Adjusting the straps on his backpack, Finn started towards the forest, and called over his shoulder, "C'mon then LumberJake, let's put that axe of yours to use."

"Arr, laddie, I be a lumberjack, and you be me trusty scallywag." Jake said in his best lumberjack voice, which wasn't very accurate at all. He stroked his pretend mustache as he followed his little brother deeper into the forest.

"Wrong accent matey." Finn responded. "This tone o' voice be samurai, not lumberjack, ya tree-lubber." Finn said in his best Samurai voice, which wasn't very accurate at all. They continued walking for a few moments, taking in the strange sight of the black trees with light gray leaves. Finn saw a glint of white sunlight in the corner of his vision and turned to see that they've come across a brook. The both of them stopped to refill their canteen. "Thirsty LumberJake?"

"You know it dude! Hook me up with that O-H-Two." Jake said, chopping at a nearby black tree with his paw-axe. _Thump. _"Ouch."_ Thump. _"Oww."_ Thump. _"Why am I doing this?"

Finn ducked their canteen into the water, and saw his reflection smiling back at him...in black and white. "The water too?" Finn waved for Jake to come see. Jake leaned over Finn's shoulder and looked at his reflection. The gray color of his mirrored self along with his fake mustache made him look old. " I make a pretty sexy old person, don'tcha think?"

Finn just smirked and took a swig from the canteen before passing it to Jake. Wiping the colorless water from his chin, Finn looked at Jake chugging from the canteen and laughed. "Looking younger already, _grandpa_. What's your secret?"

As eloquent as always, Jake replied "Blebbelbeugh?"

"Your lip warmer has been washed away."

Jake swallowed his water and burped, then frowned as he felt his clean face. "Aww man! I was distinguished! Life can be...fickle..." Jake seemed to stop mid-thought, his ears perked as he listened to the forest. "Do you hear that, man?"

Finn sat still and listened too. "Yeah, it's really quiet. So what?"

"Nature can be tranquil, serene, or peaceful," Jake explained, "but it is never, ever, _ever_ quiet. Something's up."

"The lack of color didn't give it away?" Finn said. "Isn't there suppose to be a tribe of rainicorns around here that went crazy or something? I forget what happened."

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_Some say that the sick-magic was very dense in the valley, and the effects turned the rainicorns mad. It was a really popular practice to blame unknown happenings on the radiation that some call sick-magic. _

_But nothing is ever really that simple, is it? _

_The real truth of the Valley tribe was a tale of betrayal, sacrifice..._

_...and a certain radical dame, caught in a dangerous game. _

_But that's a story for another time, perhaps._

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Jake and Finn were on the move again, Jake stopping every few feet to put his nose to the earth and his ear to the wind. Literally. Being a magic dog certainly had its advantages. They still haven't come across any living creatures. They saw a nest of mercury iron-traps, but they were unresponsive, even when Finn pulled out his sword and put it close to one of the plants. The colorless iron-trap didn't even nibble at its favorite food. "Hmm. This plant seems a bit _off color,_ huh Jake?" Finn wiggled his eyebrows as if to say, _"Ehh? Ehh? Off color! Get it?"_

"That was pure corn dude. You're no _Pun_dit, that's for sure." Jake stated to look around a bit nervously and started twiddling his fingers. "Sure hope we find that butterbird before we find whatever psyched out horse did this." Jake responded, a little worry in his voice. "I like my color. It's mellow. That's why everyone calls me 'Old Meller'.

"Oh for the _love of gob_ dude, don't make me think about that movie right now." Finn grabbed his hat and pulled it down over his eyes for a second. "I've cried enough man."

While he was doing that, Jake asked a question that might be relevant to their most righteous quest. "What's a butterbird look like anyway? Didn't you ask one of her hotdog knights before we left?"

Finn groaned and straighten his hat. "Don't even get me started."

_Two days ago, Hotdog Princess' castle:_

"So Frank, before we make tracks, what's this bird thing look like?" Finn asked, Jake already waiting outside the picket fence.

The hotdog knight adjusted his one-horned viking helmet and looked up and said, "Not until you answer my question first."

"Uhh...kay." Finn shrugged.

"Finn the human, I am in search of information that transcends knowledge itself." The hotdog knight grasped a worn brass pendant in his left hand, a single manly tear trailing down his scarred red cheek. "I know you have seen much, experienced much. You've seen death itself, but I fear even that will not prepare you to answer what I ask of you."

Finn was about to hyperventilate from the excitement.

Frank looked the young hero in the eye and asked, "If tomatoes are fruits, does that make ketchup a smoothie?"

_Two days forward, back to the present story that takes place in the past, or whatever:_

"Seriously man, you talk about Marceline turning me evil? Viking Frank is a real wad." Finn was getting mad just thinking about it. "That old wiener always sets me up just to knock me down. I literally had to get out of there before I _splazzed_ _out _and started tossin' swords."

Jake nodded in sympathy. "I know what you mean, jelly bean. I have a few flashbacks of that guy too, but we're on a schedule so I'll save 'em for later."

Finn sheathed his sword and looked up through the tops of the trees to find the sun. _'We've been here for like a million years already.'_ Finn looked over at Jake who had his nose to the ground again. "Let's just hope and assume that the butterbird hasn't been mauled by any flying equestrians, and look for something that still has color."

Jake jumped off all fours, gasped dramatically, and started to point in excitement.

"Not _me _Jake. Something else besides the two of us."

"Do I still get points for enthusiasm?" Jake asked.

"Let's step it up and sweeten the deal. First one to spot the butterbird gets a tummy rub..." Finn teased.

Jake tilted his head slightly. "But what if you spot it first?"

"Then you should try to avoid the stitches near my belly button."

Jake scratched his chin. "Y'know, I bet Marvin knows what a butterbird is." Finn slowed to a stop and turned around slowly. His voice took on a confused tone as he asked, "Who's Marvin?"

"Well, last night while you were sleeping, a green hummingbird with purple butterfly wings and cute little antennas on its head stopped by." Jake explained. "His name was Marvin. He was a cool guy. Seemed... a bit...disorientated." Jake trailed off and cringed, finally making a connection that could have saved them both a lot of time.

Finn slowly shook his head, pinching the bridge of his nose. He spoke in a low, even voice. "I hope you know what this means, Jake."

Jake slowly backed up. "Uhh..."

Finn exploded into the air "You win a tummy rub!"

"Aww yeeeeaauh!" Jake extended his paw out to meet Finn's knuckles. The thunderous force of their brofist made very little sound, but all the righteous souls of Ooo felt a surge of positive energy, lifting their spirits. The evil inhabitants of the land felt a cold shiver in their hollow hearts, and cowered in fear at the justice that would soon come.

Marceline just burped.

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Finn and Jake trotted along towards the outskirts of the Mountain Kingdom. After Jake started sniffing around for Marvin, they found him in no time flat. He was sitting on a log arguing with a frog over his place in the food chain.

"For the last time, you don't eat birds, Mr. Frog." Finn and Jake heard Marvin talking as they got close.

"Yeah, but I eat butterflies." The frog responded.

Marvin groaned. It was obvious they've been arguing for a while. "But I'm not a butterfly."

The frog's eyes widened in alarm. "So you're a bird! Please don't eat me!"

"I'm not a bird! Birds don't have butterfly wings!" Marvin was reaching the end of his patience.

"Not a bird? Guess I'll eat you then." The frog slowly hopped over towards Marvin. "Just give me a sec."

Finn and Jake chose that time to get involved. Jake gave the frog a plum. Finn just told him to get the _plum _out of there. The frog was smart enough to take what was offered and ran off, finally leaving Marvin alone.

In fact, the young butterbird was now perched on Finn's head, singing along with Finn and Jack to make the time go faster as they walked towards home. After hours of walking, it was getting close to sunset.

"I like bananas!"

"Coconuts!"

"And purple whatevers!" Finn finished.

"**They're called grapes**!" Marvin and Jake yelled at the same time.

Finn sniggered to himself. "You guys are too easy. I know what purple whatevers are called."

Jake sniffed the air. "I smell Hot Dog!"

Finn reached up and scratched Marvin's head right between the antennas. "Hear that little guy? Almost home."

Marvin sniffed back the tears of joy as they came to the edge of a small cliff. Down below, the modest castle of the hotdog princess was a short walk away. "You guys are like, totally awesome!"

Finn held out his hand and the little butterbird fluttered to it. Jake walked over and stretched up his legs so he was at eye level with Finn's hand. "We're awesome?" Finn asked. "You are! Are you a bird? A butterfly? What are you? I don't even..." Finn seemed to be at a loss for words.

Jake picked up where Finn left off. "Yeah Marvin, you're one wild dude."

Finn rubbed the back of his head a bit sheepishly as he asked. "Think you could fly the rest of the way yourself Marvin? I got a few other errands to run."

"I owe you guys big time," Marvin said as he started to hover in the air. "and yeah, I can fly there from here. Be sure to come visit soon okay?"

"Sure we will man!" Jake agreed, patting Finn's stomach affectionately, "as if this guy could stay away from a princess as seductive as yours."

"Now Marvin, be sure to stay away from Frank the hotdog knight." Finn warned. "He's a few clouds short of a thunderstorm, know what I'm sayin?"

"Who, Mr. Furter? He's not so bad if you just ignore him." Marvin said as he started to fly away.

Finn and Jake waved. "**See ya!"** They yelled in unison, then turned south towards the Candy Kingdom.

They heard a faint shout from Marvin as they walked.

"You guys are Supercool!"

Finn asked Jake, "Did you hear that? He called us Supercool."

"Haha, yeah, I heard." Jake replied.

Finn pulled out a crumpled list from his pocket and looked over it.

"Checking a deed off the list?" Jake asked, as he shrank down to the size of a puppy and jumped up on Finn's shoulder. Stretching his arms, he grabbed a pretzel out of Finn's backpack and started munching on it.

"Yup. Only a few promises left." Finn's voice took on a slightly smug tone. "Still think I'm over my head?"

Jake swallowed the last bite of the twisty bread and said, "Yup." Jake hopped down between Finn's legs and expanded to the size of a hippo and started taking huge strides, knowing that they won't make it with Finn on foot. "So what's next on the list?"

Finn scratched his forehead with the tip of his pencil as he looked over his list once more. "Gotta help Marceline move her furniture next. She made me take some kinda blood oath to meet her at her place tonight after her breakfast."

"WHA?" Jake yelped. "A blood oath? _Cripes_, Finn, that's serious stuff!" He stopped moving and turned his head to look at his passenger. "What was the oath?"

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_In offering of Flesh and Soul,_

_Thou accepts the Final Toll,_

_Break thine oath and thine oath breaks thee._

_This Oath, This Covenant, This Sacred Decree._

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Finn, being Finn, didn't remember it that way. "_Yadda yadda_ flush and soil, _something... something..._ final toll. Bring lime oats, _blah blah_ breaks free, on this oath, _something..._seven degrees."

Jake, being Jake, believed that was the actual oath. "Well...that's not so bad I guess. Don't know what lime oats are, but sounds like they would make a good pie."

Another hour of travel and they found themselves at the entrance to Marceline's cave.

"You can handle this one, right?" Jake asked, trying to hide the fear in his voice. Jake had never gotten along with Marceline. Princess Bubblegum had a theory about _Sanguivoriphobia_, but neither Finn or Jake had the patience or attention span to find out what that meant.

Finn had a few jokes at his best friend's expense on the tip of his tongue, but decided to save them for later. Jake has been bro-tastic about helping Finn keep his promises, and if anyone deserved a break, it was him.

So, as a way to say thanks, Finn walked up to Jake and tripped him.

"Woah!" Jake shouted as he fell on his back. Before Jake could react, Finn started rubbing his stomach. Two minutes of tummy rubbing had Jake a drooling, blubbery mess, ready to be brainwashed. Finn laughed as Jake slowly regained consciousness. "Whazaat? Who?" Finn laughed. It never stopped being funny to him how awesome Jake's powers were, and yet how easily the dog could be defeated.

Finn gave him one last pat on the head and slowly pushed him in the direction of their tree house. "You can head home. I'll call you from Marceline's phone when I'm done."

"Okay. I'll be near my talkie, bro." With that, Jake headed for home.

Finn sat at the edge of the cave and waited as the sun creeped slowly under the horizon. As the last embers of sun faded, and the stars began to shine brightly, Finn climbed up on a nearby boulder and squinted his eyes as he looked into the cave. The lantern that Marceline kept on her window sill was lit. Marceline didn't need any light, since she had perfect night vision. She'd never admit it, but they both knew who that lantern was for.

Focusing on the guiding light, Finn ventured fearlessly into the cave of the Vampire Queen.

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**Author's note**

Well gents and gals, that was the first act of the Promise story. Two more acts to go. I decided to break it up into separate parts so it'd be easier to keep mistakes to a minimum. It would also give you readers a chance to provide feedback. Any feedback is welcome. Compliments are like chocolate, and criticism is like broccoli. They're both good for you for different reasons.

For those of you upset about the lack of action and drama in this chapter, don't forget about Jake's epic duel with that tree, and Marvin's heart pounding escape from Mr. Frog. Something tells me we haven't seen the last of that amphibian fiend.

Sanguivoriphobia is the fear of blood suckers, in case you were curious.

The Pale Valley will be featured again, in a different story, which is why I didn't give out all the dirty little details.

The Last Human by Ruby Sword is a great Adventure Time story. I suggest you check it out. It's on my favorite story list.


	3. Promises, Act II

A Story of Resolve

Disclaimer: Nothing gained, nothing owned.

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**Pledge of the Oath-makers 2:**  
>Electric Boogaloo<p>

or

Promises, Act II

Back at the tree-house, Jake was glad to finally take a break from all the action and just freestyle on his viola. While he tuned his instrument on the couch, he stretched his foot to the kitchen and fixed himself some lemonade.

He was back in his natural habitat, and he was loving it. As he sipped lemonade from his crazy straw, the mellow mutt finally felt at peace for the first time in weeks.

Jake wouldn't trade his human in for anything. He loved Finn, he honestly loved that kid. He was manly enough to admit it. But if it wasn't for Finn, Jake would have stopped adventuring _years _ago. He'd never tell Finn, of course, and he'd always have his bud's back. Jake might have been ready to stop adventuring, but he wasn't even close to being ready to let Finn go it _alone._

Jake was starting to see the world differently than when he was younger. Things like cursed rings and ancient tomes just didn't spark his interest anymore. He cared more about his viola. He didn't get thrills from diving through unexplored caves. He'd rather tell dirty jokes and make his Lady blush and laugh. Finn would call it lame, but Jake just wanted to be lazy and let the world take care of itself. But as long as Finn stayed in the game, Jake would be there with him.

He'd just have to make moments like this last. Putting away his viola, Jake put his arms behind his head and closed his eyes for a little _siesta_.

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Deep within Marceline's entrance, Finn felt a shock of warmth go through his entire body.

"You got a fire going?" Finn asked out loud, standing in the little hallway at the front door. He hung his backpack on the hat rack and wandered into the empty living room, warming his hands at the little brick fireplace. After the chills from the cave left his body, he turned towards the kitchen.

Floating in place, with her head stuck in the fridge, the Queen of Vampires was looking for something to eat. The kitchen was still dark, only the lantern at the window, the fireplace, and the light from the fridge lit the house.

Finn hopped up on one of the stools at the little bar, and sat quietly as Marceline pulled out a carton of strawberry milk. Scratching her messy bedhead, Marceline grumbled something under her breath about people never knocking anymore, and gently floated onto the stool right next to Finn. The adventurer felt himself go rigid at the close proximity, but just passed it off as his fight or flight reflex. It tended to go off around Marceline.

Squinting at the carton of milk, Marceline muttered, "What's today's date?"

"Not sure, but you can do it like us and follow the _one day extra_ rule." Finn replied.

"What's that?" Marceline asked, making eye contact for the first time.

"Well," He explained. "You don't ever read the expiration date, and just assume it's tomorrow. That way, it lasts forever!"

Marceline opened her mouth to refute Finn's twisted logic, but the words died on her lips. It was still a bit too early (or too late if you prefer) to deal with Finn's pearls of wisdom. Suppressing a sigh, Marceline said, "What the hell." and started gulping her milk straight from the carton. She was almost done taking a swig when Finn started chanting.

"Chug! Chug! Chug!" Finn shouted, beating his fists on the table.

_'Challenge accepted, mortal!' _is what she would have said, if she wasn't busy chugging like a boss. After finally finishing off the carton, Marceline slammed the empty container onto the bar, crushing it like her dad did with his soda cans back in the day.

Truly, she was a regal and noble being, to be feared and respected. Never mind the worn red and black sweater she wore. Forget about the hair that stuck out in twenty different directions when she woke up each night. Pay no heed to the holey socks she keeps putting on because she never throws them away. And certainly there is no need to comment on the strawberry milk mustache she wore at that moment.

Finn felt there was no need to comment either, and just smiled that goofy smile of his.

Looking at the squished container, Finn suddenly had a thought. "I get it!" Finn said, spinning in circles on his stool. "Pink is just another shade of red, which is why you like strawberry milk!"

_Buuurp_. "Not quite," she responded, not bothering to excuse her belch. "I drink strawberry milk because it's _frackin' _delicious. It's the best milk of the three."

Finn caught the bar with his hand to stop himself from spinning. He put on a smile. Not just any smile. Oh no. It was one of those _kids-these-days-with-their-crackerjacks-and-jump-rope _smiles, as if Marceline was just a dumb kid who didn't know any better.

Finn laughed condescendingly and put a hand on Marceline's shoulder and said. "Young miss, I think you're confused. Y'see babe, chocolate milk is the best milk. Hands down." The fight or flight reflex in the pit of Finn's stomach went haywire when suddenly Marceline's eyes turned blood red. Finn reacted quickly, back flipping into the air off of his stool, but he wasn't quick enough. Her hair turned into living tentacles that slithered around Finn's torso and caught him in midair. Reaching behind him for his sword, Finn gasped in shock when he realized that his sword was with his backpack at the door.

"Very well!" Finn shouted raising his fists in the air. "I die a righteous death for the most righteous milk! No regrets man! This is how I wanted to go out!"

Marceline's nails grew razor sharp as she hissed, Her hair pulling Finn closer to his unavoidable death. "I will not sully my fangs with the blood of some _chocolate milk drinker! _You will die by my hand!"

"I only wish I could have converted Jake from _uhh..regular milk..._" This farewell remark from Finn caused Marceline to return to normal in her shock, her hair reverting back to the messy bedhead. Finn landed safely back on his stool and casually leaned an elbow on the bar, as if nothing happened.

"_Regular, unaltered milk?_" Marceline asked, the disbelief in her voice obvious. Finn leaned in, looking like a gossiping old lady. "I know babe, I know. It. Just. Ain't. Natural."

"Welp," Marceline said, more lively than before, "you get to live, I guess. The enemy of my enemy is my friend. And Jake, _through_ _every fault of his own_, is once again my enemy."

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Jake had just woken up from his nap and was fixing himself a nice glass of pure, true, and wholesome milk. He was about to take a sip of that good stuff when he noticed that the milk was rippling in a very...unique way.

"Oh no..." Jake whispered, recognizing what the ripples meant. "The unclean milks have joined together...war is coming. The dark prophesy has come to pass..."

Jake fell to his knees, spilling his sweet pure milk everywhere as he shouted dramatically, "NOOOOooooo!"

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Finn hopped down from his stool and flicked on a few lights. Marceline had already left the room to get dressed, so Finn took this opportunity to look around. It looked weird seeing the living room without any furniture. Although he certainly didn't miss that couch.

"What did you do with all the old stuff?" Finn called out.

Still in her room getting ready, Marceline answered from her room, "I gave most of it to LSP. Dad wanted the couch though."

"Why?"

Marceline floated into the room, combing her hair as she replied, "He said he had _plans _for it." The Vampire queen had changed from her red-striped sweater to a white tank-top with a black vest, and a worn pair of jeans rolled up to the knees. She didn't bother to put on socks or shoes, since she planned on floating for most of the day. "You can ask him when we get there."

"Wha?" Finn asked, his expression showing confusion.

Marceline rolled her eyes and casually tossed her brush over her shoulder, not caring where it landed. "Jeez Finn, you have a really crummy memory. My new furniture is in the NightOsphere. I told you right before you agreed to the blood oath. Which reminds me. C'mere."

Finn complied, "What's up?" He asked.

"Just gotta do something real quick. Close your eyes."

"Kay."

Marceline's hands rested on either side of the boy's head as she chanted.

"_Esimorp sih tpek namuh eht Nnif. Tcartnoc eht morf mih esaeler i."_

"Uhh...bless you?" Finn said.

Marceline grabbed the bug-milk and tossed it underhand at the wall, where a smiley face was already drawn. "Let's go." After the spell was spoken, the wall split open and flames poured out. Fearlessly, Marceline glided into the entrance to the Nightosphere. She turned to see Finn grabbing his sword from his backpack. "Just leave it." She said. "It's not gonna do much anyway."

Finn ignored her and held tight to his blade. "Sorry. Not risking getting my soul sucked."

Marceline sounded frustrated when she replied. "I went through a lot of crap to get my Dad to agree to hold onto this furniture for me. If you stab him again, I _will _leave you behind."

Resting his golden sword on his shoulder, Fin just scoffed, "Tell that _thing _to keep his distance and everything will be peachy."

"Fine. Good. Whatever. We don't have time for this. Let's go." With that, Marceline turned her back and disappearance into the flames.

Tying to ignore the flames, Finn ventured hesitantly into the realm of the Vampire Queen's dad.

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In a sharp black business suit, he waited. He stood in an empty room, eyes unblinking. As barren as a cloudless sky, the white room seemed to go on for eternity. Pulling a pocket watch from his breast pocket, he checked the time. About two minutes.

He straightened his tie. He didn't need to. It was perfectly straight. Also, it wasn't real. He still looked great though. Crimson red. Real classy tie. A few seconds passed, and he pulled the watch out again. Roughly thirty seconds.

Showtime.

With a snap of his fingers, he was suddenly in front of an old-fashioned oven, standing on a Persian rug, with a warm fireplace. The smell of warm chocolate chip cookies filled the small cozy cottage that he had just willed into existence. The bright pink _Kiss the Killer _apron he suddenly wore sealed the deal, giving his home the image of liveliness and good atmosphere. Three...Two...One.

_Knock Knock_

Straightening his tie once more, he walked to the door that didn't exist five minutes ago, and opened it with a wide creepy smile on his face, "Marcy-pooo, How is my little-" He stopped in the middle of the embarrassing hello he had spent all last night preparing.

He had not planned for this...thing.

"Do I smell cookies?"

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The fire licked at his heels as he followed Marceline. Finn stuck close to the vampire, her aura creating a protective bubble as they passed through the firewall. He looked ahead and saw that they were arriving at an opening. As soon as they cleared the flames, Finn got his first good look at the NightOsphere.

"What. The. Stuff." Finn breathed, not caring that he sorta kinda cursed in front of a lady. The NightOsphere made _hell_ look like a _heck_. Finn and Marceline found themselves at the top of a massive flight of stairs. It reminded Finn of the time he and Jake traveled to Death's territory. The difference was that Death had some sweet escalators, and these stairs were old fashion. Not to mention they were made out of skin and bone. _Yeesh._

From their vantage point at the top of the stairs, Finn could see the expanse of the NightOsphere. The streets were composed of sharp wreckage and broken stone. It was obvious that no one had lived there for a long time after whatever happened. The buildings themselves looked to be in good condition, as if someone was looking after them. The white picket fences and green grass felt very out of place surrounded by the twisted wreckage. It was creepy as all get-out. Marceline was unaffected of course, and picked Finn up by his collar without warning.

"Hey!" Finn huffed. "Warn a guy will ya?"

"We're gonna go get my furniture from dad's." Marceline explained, as she carried him through the air over the stairs.

"Which house is his?" He asked.

"See that empty void of blinding white over there?" Finn looked where she pointed. The streets and half of one house abruptly ended in white, as if the entire world was cut off.

"Yeah?"

"That's The Boundary. Dad controls everything beyond that point."

Setting Finn down at the very edge, Marceline floated forward towards The Boundary. Finn stuck close behind her, and closed his eyes as the light blinded him for a moment-

_Knock Knock_

-only to open them to the sight of a cozy little cottage, where Marceline had just knocked on the front door. A Nightmare answered.

"Marcy-pooo, how is my little-" _Suckface _stopped talking as soon as he caught sight of Finn. The Human tightened his grip on his sword, ready for action, ready for anything. He would not let his guard down for anything, not even...

"Do I smell cookies?"

Marceline let herself in, Dad still looking at Finn with a mixture of puzzlement and disgust. "What is this thing doing here, young lady?" He asked in his best fatherly tone. Marceline threw her hands in the air. "Are all men this forgetful? I told you I was gonna bring some help to carry the furniture out of storage!"

"I remember." Dad said, walking inside and pulling the cookies out of the oven. "I'm just surprised you still carry this thing around with you. It _is _housebroken, right?"

"Hey!" Finn shouted. "I'm no one's pet man!"

"Heel, you tasty little mongrel." Dad sneered, taking a bite of his cookie as if he was thinking of chewing on the last human.

Finn was getting peeved, and his anger outweighed his common sense. Pointing his sword at the well-dressed apparition, Finn put on a cocky smile and said, "I wonder what would happen if I stab you in the face in _this _realm? In fact, it could be a hobby we share. Me stabbing you in exotic new locations. The last time was such a _fond _memory."

Marceline interrupted the two before they could go any further. She attempted to tell them to "Wait until my furniture is moved before you kill each other." but it was hard to understand her with a mouthful of chocolate chips.

"Let's just go then." Finn said, backing off, and quite ready to get the _frack_ away from the NightOsphere.

With a few snaps of his fingers, Marceline's dad materialized an old furniture set. Pasty old yellow furniture with worn daisy imprints littered the small house, which suddenly expanded to make room. Finn looked around at the dusty old furniture. "This is the stuff?" Finn sounded unimpressed.

"Sit on the couch." Marceline said simply.

Walking up to the dirty old flowery couch, Finn hesitantly laid down.

"Sweet Gob almighty this is comfy..." Finn felt like he could pass out right then and there.

Finn felt a shadow fall over his face. Peeking one eye open, he saw Marceline leaning over him. "Improvement?"

"I'm lying on a cloud of puppies. I can't explain it better than that." he replied.

"If only everyone was as gritty as you. Let's get back and start organizing." Marceline said to Finn. Dad made a big gesture of straightening his tie once again. Marceline simply continued her small talk with the child.

"Very well then." Dad said slowly, pulling out his pocket watch and opening it. "I suppose you have many pressing matters to attend to, don't you _boy_?" The sarcasm in his voice was obvious. "After all, I'm sure a fly needs rescue from a spider's web. Not that you care about the spider starving."

He turned to his daughter. "Be careful. His kind would watch us go hungry. I've seen it before, as have you."

Marceline just plopped down on the mustard yellow recliner, and leaned forward, her hair covering up her face. He reached a hand to put on her shoulder, but stopped himself. Not bothering to say goodbye, he clicked the watch shut with a flick of the wrist, and suddenly he was alone.

His hands went to straighten his tie, but he stopped. He looked down at the tie, crimson red. Her favorite color. She probably knew it wasn't real.

A lot of things weren't real, he supposed.

In a sharp black business suit, he waited. He stood in an empty room, eyes unblinking. As barren as a cloudless sky, the white room seemed to go on for eternity.

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**Author's note**

Already have plans for a story called Milk Wars.

I got caught up in writing Dad, as I'm sure you can tell. Marceline's dad turned out a lot less threatening and a lot sadder then I had planned.

Hope the quasi-seriousness didn't turn you guys away. Humor is coming back full throttle (I hope) next chapter.

I might be extending the Promise story to more than three acts before I move on to the next tale. Expect to see some Lucky next chapter.

That little chant from Marceline was done Zatanna-style. Google her if you must.

If you had trouble picturing the NightOSphere, think of those cheesy black n white sitcoms from the 50s. Picket fences, swing porches. Now surround these cute little houses with the twisted wreckage of an entire species. The dainty flowers are growing from the ashes of corpses, yadda yadda.


	4. Promises, Act III

A Story of Resolve

Disclaimer: Nothing gained, nothing owned.

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**Promises, Act III**

"I think perhaps it's time for a bathroom break. Don't worry, we're getting to my favorite part of the story. The part where the hero fails, totally and completely." The demon cat said to his victim/guest/dinner. "I'll be back in a minute or ten. Don't go anywhere, poochie." He licked his lips as he said this, but instead of a tongue, a mangled cat head with a missing ear came out and used _its _tongue to lick the demon cat's lips.

Lucky couldn't help herself. "You two want to get a room? I can give you some privacy." If her dad was here, he would yell out _Zing! _right about now.

The little cat head hissed before it slithered back into the Demon's mouth. "Aww..." she continued, "I didn't get to say what a good job he was doing of keeping your _butt _clean."

As she said this, her eyes darted around the room. She couldn't see an exit anywhere. The only light in the cave was shining on her, everything else was shadow. The demon had already left her field of vision, but she could hear a chuckle in the darkness. It echoed all around her, making it impossible to tell exactly where it was coming from.

"Why are you wasting my time with these stories?" Lucky asked out loud.

The darkness answered. "It's been sooo long since I've had the pleasure of company, and I have a special place in my stomach for young adventurers."

"Don't you mean you have a special place in your _heart_?"

"I know what I said."

The lemon-colored dog cringed.

"Besides," The Demon cat continued as he suddenly stepped back into the light, "you could learn a thing or two from these tales, little doggy. About making promises you can't keep. Now let's continue, shall we?"

Lucky gulped before asking, "I thought you were gonna use the bathroom?"

He leaned in and snarled under his breath. "I did."

"So when I couldn't see you, you were...g_ross_."

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A flash of light.

The sound of furniture hitting the floor.

A vampire's laugh. "Oh man, that never gets old!"

Finn opened his eyes slowly as Marceline's living room came into focus. He was still clinging for dear life to a couch cushion. "Higgawha?"

As the world stopped spinning, Finn was barely on his own two feet before Marceline snatched the cushion out of his hands. "C'mon dude, be careful! This stuff's older than..older than..."

"You?" Finn interjected.

Instead of whopping Finn upside his head for the old comment, Marceline took on a pensive look, as if she was trying to remember a memory from long ago. "It's held up pretty well for furniture more than a thousand years old."

"So wait, this stuff is definitely from before the mushroom wars?" Finn's eyes grew full of wonder as he asked this. Marceline raised an eyebrow at Finn's sudden enthusiasm. "Uhh...I guess so?"

"Wow..." Finn gently caressed the couch with a new-found sense of respect. His ancestors' butt cheeks blessed that couch, no doubt about it. Finn suddenly stood up straight as a brilliant idea hit him. He turned to Marceline and said in his most exuberant voice, "We totally gotta make a fort out of these cushions, Marceline."

The Queen of Vampires couldn't help but laugh out loud at the thought of doing something she hadn't done in over ten centuries. She floated over and put an arm on Finn's head as she looked down at him. "Don't you think that's a bit...I dunno, childish?"

Finn pressed on, "I'm not hearing a _no..._"

"I'm the Vampire Queen for plum's sake. A certain amount of decorum is expected from someone of my social standing."

"Are you gonna go get some bedsheets or what?"

"..."

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"THE FLOOR IS LAVA! QUICK GET OFF THE FLO-HEY NO FLOATING!"

"HOW CAN THE FLOOR BE LAVA WHEN WE'RE ON A STOLEN NAVY SHIP! AND NO BACKSASS! I'M THE CAPTAIN OF THIS VESSEL, YOU SALTY SEA-DOG!"

"WHY ARE YOU TALKING LIKE A SAMURAI!"

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Finn waved goodbye as he left Marceline's place. Even though she brought him along to help her arrange her furniture, they ended their time together with her place in total disarray. As usual. Finn had a bad habit of leaving every place looking like a war zone.

The young human let loose a yawn as he picked up a suitable walking stick and started twirling it around like in the Kung-Fu flicks he watched. As he walked along and awkwardly attempted the maneuvers, (smacking himself in the forehead twice) the small meadow he was passing through was starting to sound alive with the chirping of birds and the rising sun.

Wait...

Sun?

Finn rubbed his head in confusion and slight pain from the self inflicted whomps to the head.

Shouldn't it still be dark? _'Maybe time passes faster in the NightOsphere?' _he thought to himself.

Finn made a mental note to ask Marceline the next time he saw her.

"Dang," Finn muttered aloud, "I forgot to call Jake!"

The two adventurers had a pretty good buddy system going. They made a rule to never be out of contact for more than a couple of hours. It really helped cut down on the whole _being kidnapped for ransom or revenge _thing. Finn was especially grateful, since the human boy was always the one being kidnapped.

If someone asked Finn to count how many enemies Jake had, the human wouldn't have enough fingers to count them all. He'd need both his hands. And maybe PB could help him out and hold up all her fingers. And then of course he'd need Billy. Billy had tons of fingers. He'd also need Marceline to throw up her digits. And he'd need all of Beemo's hand-whittled finger sculptures-

"Crap, Beemo's gift!" Finn screamed, nearly forgetting all about his other roomie's birthday present.

Finn put the walking stick between his legs and whipped his newly acquired imaginary horse into a sprint towards Vomit Hill, the small hillside littered with old technology and busted gizmos.

"Thunder-Punch, awaaaay!" Finn shouted, because naming a horse anything else would be _stupid_.

0o0o0

_Watch your head down at_ _Vomit Hill,  
>A little place where the wreckage spills,<em>

_From the sky they fall, these bits and pieces,  
>None know why, but there is a thesis,<em>

_The great booms from before blew everything up,_  
><em>Living back then must have been quite rough,<em>

_These parts and relics were shot so far,_  
><em>That they flew into the bellies of stars,<em>

_But as time went by, the lights grew sick,  
>And they thought the land played a nasty trick,<em>

_The stars did not whine, nor cry, nor pout,_  
><em>They just started spitting it all back out.<em>

_So keep your eyes up, but don't fret about comets,  
>You should be more worried about stars and their vomits.<em>

0o0o0

Fortunately for Finn, Thunder-Punch was a fine and noble steed and despite being a little feisty, the cedarwood stallion got Finn to Vomit Hill in record time. Thunder-Punch was also useful for scratching the itch on Finn's back that he couldn't reach.

Finn sighed contently as Thunder-Punch did his thing. "Better keep you a secret TP," Finn joked out loud, "I'd hate for Jake to think I'm replacing him."

A good distance away, the lid of a broken down washing-machine slowly slid open, two shiny blue eyes barely visible. Setting it's sights on the human, it started to make its move. Looking almost like a stream of milk, it slithered out of the busted green washer in a smooth motion, its white form shining against the morning sun.

Oblivious to the creature creeping behind him, Finn listed the reasons why Jake might be jealous of Thunder-Punch.

"You give me rides like Jake..."

The nameless creature slithered towards the voice.

"You help me reach places I can't get to..."

Four stubby limbs formed out of the body of the monster, and its shape began to harden as it crawled closer, faster.

"You're a great listener like Jake..."

The momentum and shape shifted upward, the creature's back limbs became long and gangly, and it was no longer crawling. It was running.

"And you're useful in a fight..."

It ran with two arms and two legs, silently closing the gap. The left hand of the white beast shot out and took the shape of a large stick as it leaped up, flipping madly in the air before unleashing a silent scream and brought down its weapon with skull-splitting force...

_**CRACK**_

The sound of wood colliding against wood echoed like a gunshot.

Finn didn't hear the thing coming, he just _felt _the silent roar just before the strike. It was lucky for him, since he was able to turn in time and put Thunder-Punch above his head as the monster came down hard. The impact was so hard that Finn was forced to take a knee, hitting it painfully against the ground.

Somehow, its blank square face almost looked displeased as it pushed harder against Finn's guard. Finn grimaced as he felt the rocky gravel grind against his knee. With his face still set in an angry, pained scowl, Finn looked back up in time to see the "thing's" blue eyes glow brightly until, suddenly, it's eyes flashed bright like a camera.

"Aaah!" Finn yelled in surprise and pain as he felt his eyes water from the sudden light. Blindly, Finn pushed hard against the creature and stumbled back, rubbing his eyes with his sleeve.

As his vision returned, Finn glanced down at his knee, which was skinned up and bleeding.

Big mistake.

As soon as the human looked down, the creature struck again. Pointing its weapon out horizontally and rotating on its foot like a dancer, it spun so quickly that it became a blur, rocketing towards Finn. The young hero looked up to see the monster spinning madly like a top and almost upon him.

Finn didn't have time to bring his stick up to guard. Instead, he turned his back towards the second blow, his backpack taking most of the hit. Unfortunately for Finn, the monster's spinning gave it great momentum, and although Finn's pack did indeed take most of the hit, it didn't keep Finn from flying off his feet into a pile of broken furniture, a cloud of dust flying up.

As the dust settled, Finn coughed and tried to sit up. Groaning in pain, he opened his eyes to see the creature staring down at him with a very familiar face. Like looking in a mirror, Finn's angry, pained scowl stared back at him.

While Finn was still on his rump, the creature's eyes started to flash quickly.

With each new flash, the creature had more and more of Finn's features, until the flashing came to a sudden stop. With the exception of being pure white, the nameless creature was now a picture perfect clone of Finn. As if to signal that the transformation was done, Clone-Finn's eyes went from blue, to purple, and finally turned blood red.

The young hero found his second wind and struggled to his feet, letting his backpack fall from his shoulders. His stick was knocked some distance away, but it didn't much matter, since it was time to pull out the big guns.

Well, more like big swords.

Actually just one sword.

Pretty average in size too.

It was time to pull out the medium sized sword.

When Finn finally finished his bizarre inner monologue, the copy-cat monster introduced itself with its newly acquired vocal cords. With a raspy voice that carried a strange echo, it spoke for the first time in centuries.

"I...Wiyte."

Finn narrowed his eyes and gripped his sword with both hands. Learning the name of his enemy somehow made this freak less scary. Not that he was scared at all. Nope. Not scared in the least.

Wiyte's copy of Thunder-Punch shrunk down and grew sharp, and he copied Finn's posture.

A harsh wind blew, kicking up dust in a dramatic fashion, and the two warriors charged towards each other.

The greatest battle ever has begun...

...in the next chapter.

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**Author's note**

OC's everywhere! First Lucky and Marvin, then Thunder-Punch, and now Wiyte.

Hope you guys liked it. I've tried to keep the humor and action pretty balanced. Whether I did or not, well, that's your call.

Hopefully, next chapter will come faster. It's gonna be action packed, so look forward to it, k?

We's gots 'ta get sum Beemo up in dis piece. Ya heard? Maybe I'll fit him/her/it into the next chapter.

Recently came across another decent AT fanfic I thought I'd share. Eyes Turned Skywards is a pretty rockin' AU romance/vampire/sassy cat/action dramedy. It doesn't follow Finn and Jake. It centers around the equally fictitious Fionna and Cake, and it involves the powah of luuuv.

It's on my favorite stories list. Check it out.


	5. Promises, Act IV

A Story of Resolve

Disclaimer: Nothing gained, nothing owned.

* * *

><p><strong>Promises, Final Act<br>(**For real this time, seriously)

_Finn narrowed his eyes and gripped his sword with both hands. Learning the name of his enemy somehow made this freak less scary._

_Not that he was scared at all. Nope. Not scared in the least._

_Wiyte's copy of Thunder-Punch shrunk down and grew sharp, and he copied Finn's posture._

_A harsh wind blew, kicking up dust in a dramatic fashion, and the two warriors charged towards each other._

_The greatest battle ever has begun..._

Finn screamed a cry of battle, rushing forward with a vertical slice. Wiyte took a small side-step to the left, Finn's blade barely missing the pale apparition and cutting into the dirt. Wiyte angled his blade at Finn's stomach and thrust forward, only for Finn to do a side-step of his own, albeit slower and less graceful. He managed to avoid the impromptu belly button piercing, but a line of red across his now torn shirt revealed that he didn't get away completely unscathed.

Ignoring the pain, and hoping that he wouldn't need more stitches, Finn started to slowly circle around Wiyte. The shape-shifting monster seemed content to wait for Finn to strike first. As Finn continued to circle Wiyte, the young hero found himself nearing a pile of rubble. Still keeping his face to his enemy, Finn slowly leaned over and picked up a fist sized piece of cement. Tossing it in his hand a few times to test it's weight, an idea was starting to form.

All this time, Wiyte just stood there with a bored expression, as if nothing Finn could do was capable of hurting him.

"Look at his ugly face..." Finn muttered to himself. "Talk about a face only a mother could lo- wait, no, I mean..."

Wiyte just raised an eyebrow as Finn tried to take back the insult.

"Look at that handsome devil..."

* * *

><p>Muscle Princess flexed in front of her full length mirror, lost in thought and excited about the upcoming spar with Finn. She and Finn had really been getting along lately, so she was in a pretty good mood. Besides the fact that she thought Finn was a swell fella, she also liked meeting new people through the human boy. It was practically impossible to hang out with <em>just <em>Finn, he has so many people that surrounded him. Of course Mussie (Finn's nickname for her, how totally cute, right?) was already well-acquainted with Jake. But she never really hung out with Princess Bubblegum before.

The pink-haired princess wasn't nearly as prudish as she seemed at their royal get-togethers. For instance, she was a completely different person at Finn and Jake's movie night. The usually calm and respectful princess was always being shushed during mystery movies for guessing who the murderer was, or yelling, 'Don't go into that room, ya butt!' during horror flicks. And when she wasn't being shushed, she was stealing handfuls of Jake's popcorn when he wasn't looking, usually with Finn's help. Mussie giggled a little at the memory. Jake still had no idea why he ran out of popcorn so fast.

It was nice to get out of the gym. She never thought she'd feel that way, but she did. And it was good. Despite her size and strength, Mussie didn't get out all that much, and it was nice to leave her comfort zone. Most people are shocked to learn that Mussie had never been in an actual fight, but it's true. Despite her stature, she was a very sheltered and delicate lady, who just so happened to bench press a thousand pounds.

* * *

><p>Giving the cement piece one last glance, Finn sprung his plan into action. Dashing towards his enemy once more, Finn gripped the rock and cocked his arm back, ready to throw. Wiyte put his sword in a guard position and waited, ready to dodge or even catch the rock.<p>

Suddenly, Finn stopped just out of Wiyte's reach, quickly stabbing his blade into the gravelly dirt. Spinning in place, building momentum, Finn hurled the rock as hard as he could...straight up into the air. Wiyte watched as it climbed up high in the air, until it was a black speck against the cloudless sky.

Trying to take advantage of the distraction, Finn broke into a sudden sprint, grabbed his blade and let it drag against the rocky turf. Sparks flew, and as he closed the distance, the tip of the gold blade turned red-hot. Reaching his doppelganger, Finn began one of his favorite battle cries,

"YEEEEEEEEEE..."

Still screaming, Finn whipped his blade in an uppercut motion at Wiyte's face, a streak of red sparks following the motion. The gesture was fluid and loose, but powerful and practiced. A move inspired by Jake's flexibility.

Wiyte correctly surmised that original would attempt such a tactic.

Wiyte was able to bring blade to appropriate area to intercept.

Wiyte has collected enough data to move on to bett-

With a explosive crack, Wiyte's guard was broken, his hands knocked back against the unexpected force and the unpleasant burning. His feet lifted off the ground, and for the first time in many cycles, Wiyte felt gravity work against him.

Finn finished his ceremonial battle cry as Wiyte kissed the dirt.

"...EEAAAAAAH BOOOOI!"

Rising from the dirt, Wiyte dashed forward with a flurry of strikes determined to keep the momentum from going in the human's favor.

Finn was forced backwards, barely able to keep up. As Finn was pushed back, he suddenly tripped, oddly enough, with a devilish grin on his face.

Wiyte ignored the human's face and went in for the kill, only for everything to suddenly go black.

* * *

><p>"Where is that boy?" She muttered to herself, looking out her balcony at the horizon. It was almost high noon, and Finn still hadn't shown up. Mussie wasn't usually such a worry-wart, but spending more time with Finn and Jake had made her more aware of how dangerous being a hero was. A reflection of red on the horizon put an uneasy feeling in her stomach.<p>

Her totally ripped stomach. Speaking of which, Finn really needs to start working on his core.

* * *

><p>Finn looked triumphantly over the unconscious Wiyte. Pieces of shattered cement surrounded Wiyte's head.<p>

Or at least, Finn _thought_ it was the head. As soon as that rock beaned the monster on the head, it turned into a pile of mush. Finn wiped the sweat from his brow. It wasn't easy leading the imposter to where the rock would land, but _slamacow_ was it ever satisfying. With the battle done, Finn started towards his back pack.

He was running late on getting Beemo's gif-

"HOLY CRAP I FORGOT ABOUT MUSSIE!"

Finn groaned and closed his eyes, the beginnings of a headache taking shape.

As he found his backpack and shook the dust off, he muttered,"I got this dealio under wraps Jake, you'll see..."

Busy mocking himself, Finn didn't notice the two red eyes glowing brightly from behind as Wiyte literally started to pull himself together.

"I'd probably already have some speakers by now if it wasn't for..." Finn trailed off as he saw the reflection of red shining from a pile of junk.

Finn's heart skipped a beat, The red shimmer...was reflecting off some sweet silver speakers! Finn rushed to the speakers and turned them over in his hands. They seemed to be in good condition.

"Finally! Something goes my way for once!"

The red glow burned hot against Finn's back. Finn's happy disposition took a nose dive. "Oh. Right."

Turning in place, speakers still in hand, Finn was a deer in red headlights.

* * *

><p>A light blue male body builder, wearing nothing but a speedo, a bow-tie, and some fancy cuffs, burst into Muscle Princess' room without knocking. His garb was traditional of the muscle kingdom.<p>

Butler Bod, with eyes closed, yelled/singed/gargled the traditional greeting to his master. The yodel went on for five beautiful, _excruciating _minutes, as tradition required, nay, _demanded_!

As his yodel came to a crashing crescendo, he turned his left cheek, knowing, feeling in his heart, that the princess was about to slap him with the fish (salmon) of personal acceptance. (Tradition!)

The wet, slimy comfort never came, however. Peeking an eye open, Bod the Butler saw only an open window. Where had she gone? Did his yodeling drive her away? Oh God it was college all over again!

No matter. Tradition would guide him to a swift resolution.

Adjusting his bowtie, straighten his speedo, and setting his waxed brow into a determined scowl, Butler Bod got straight to it.

The twenty-three minute yodel-screech of inner reflection began.

* * *

><p>"Oh crap..." Finn muttered, face down in the dirt. The pain slowly spread throughout his body, as consciousness returned, shame came as well. "Shoulda finished you when I had the.." Finn trailed off as he lifted himself up.<p>

Or at least he tried, before falling back to the ground. Managing to roll on his side, Finn noticed his left arm going at an angle he strongly discouraged.

As pain shot through his broken arm, Finn looked up to finally notice Wiyte looking down at him, once again copying Finn's form.

"I really wish I could think of something funny to say to lighten the mood. This is way too freakin' dark."

Wiyte just continued to stare over him as he slowly lifted his sword over his head.

"Honestly," Finn continued, quite delirious from the pain. "I knew I didn't have forever, but I was sure it was gonna end with me giving a witty one-liner...

* * *

><p>….but look at me. I gots nuttin'." The sound of Finn's voice grew stronger as she rounded the corner.<p>

* * *

><p>Wiyte seemed to have enough of Finn's gabble-de-gook, and raised its blade to finish the job.<p>

Unfortunately for Wiyte, Muscle Princess _**absolutely disagreed with that.**_

* * *

><p>Finn saw a big meaty hand wrap around Wiyte's wrist and toss him over it's shoulder. It was huge, whatever it was. Finn's vision was getting pretty hazy. "Eeeew! I can't believe I did something so vulgar! Oh I could just diiiiie!"<p>

Muscle Princess.

"Mussie!" Finn called out. "Down here!"

Mussie took a knee next to Finn, worry etched on her features. "Oh golly, he really tore you a new one huh?"

"A few new ones actually." Finn replied, and couldn't help but smirk a bit at Mussie's frank nature. "I really hate doing this to you, especially since I totally bailed on my promise to have a spar with you today, but do you think you could beat the snot outta this guy and give me a lift home?" Finn grimaced as he said this, obviously sick at himself for asking for help.

"No one ever messes with you, right?" he continued, "I hardly ever have to save you. You must be really good in a fight, Muss..."

Mussie should have been a little offended at Finn's presumption. After all, just because she likes to wrestle doesn't make her a _brawler! _And she lifts for the sheer beauty and grace it provides!

Mussie should be offended, but she isn't. She's touched. It never once occurred to Finn that the reason she didn't need saving was because villains didn't want her.

He was so sweet like that. Stupid too, but sweet nonetheless. And that thing getting up and walking towards them? That thing hurt this sweet, stupid boy.

"I'm not sure what your deal is, stud. But it looks like I'm getting my spar after all."

Mussie crashed her fists together. "_Mussie_ is about to get _Messy_ up in this piece."

* * *

><p>The crater was three feet deep and seven feet wide in diameter.<p>

Finn blacked out for a few seconds, but he woke up for the finale.

The finale was three feet deep and seven feet wide in diameter.

She grabbed Wiyte by the neck. It said something about being a superior space being. Finn could swear Mussie had a funny comeback about sending him back before she punched him. He couldn't remember it for the life of him, however.

The ground beneath her gave way under the intense release. She punched Wiyte so hard, that she _went into the earth_ a little before Wiyte overtook gravity and _never came back down_.

So hard, that Finn's teeth rattled in his mouth and his eyes teared up.

"That was...ballin'... but... I loosened him up for ya..." Finn mumbled, using the classic 'pickle jar excuse' before passing out.

* * *

><p>Finn began to wake up in his bed. Aw man, he wanted to have that bed's babies. So soft, so comfy, not trying to murder him. They seemed like the perfect pair. But that was a lot of commitment he wasn't ready for. A lover's spat with a bed would have Finn sleeping on the couch every night too.<p>

Forcing his eyes open, Finn jumped in surprise at all the eyes on him. Jake, Lady Rainicorn, Mussie, and Penny all looked at him like he was a train wreck. The pain came to greet him as he tried to sit up straight.

Oh yeah. He _was _a train wreck.

Jake put a worn bowl on a platter in Finn's lap. "Here man, have some potato soup." Gingerly, Finn sipped a few spoonfuls and took a drink of water when it was offered. Feeling better already, Finn started his apology.

"Sorry Penny, Mussie," He said looking at the both of them. "I kinda bit off more than I could chew this time around..."

"Oh hush, you." Mussie replied, Penny sitting in her lap and tinkering with a green object. "You're safe now, and that's most important."

"Yeah Finn," Penny piped in, still engrossed with the trinket in her little yellow hands, "Safe thanks to me. I can't believe no one here knows how to set a broken bone!"

"I still can't believe _you do_." Jake interrupted. "You're way too wise and world-weary for a nine year old."

Finn looked down and noticed his wrapped arm for the first time. "Wow, thanks Pen. I owe you one."

"Nope." She responded, "Jake paid me for my services quite well. Got a few gold trinkets out of the deal. It's how I was able to buy this at the Blacksmith festival." She held her item out for Finn to take a close look. It was dark green, shaped like an apple, and had a silver ring at the top.

"Huh," Finn didn't see the appeal. "What does it do?"

"Not sure yet. The lady sellin' em seemed almost scared of these things."

"Sounds like you got duped out of your gold to me."

"No way!" Penny disagreed. "I got a baker's dozen of these. See?" She leaned down and pulled up a crate filled with the strange things.

"Well, just be careful with that stuff. How was the festival?" Finn asked.

"Meh. You didn't really miss much. Fireworks at midnight were pretty cool though."

"Oh... midnight?" Finn looked to Lady Rainicorn who was being unusually quiet, "what time is it?"

"그것은 아침에 두. 그건 그렇고, 당신은 제이크처럼 잘때 킥."

Finn just stared at her. "Lady, we really gotta start hanging out more."

"She said it's past two in the morning." Jake supplied. "She also said...some other stuff." Jake coughed into his hand before changing the subject, a light blush barely visible. "Anywaaays, I'm just glad everything worked out ok."

Finn settled back against his pillow and winced. "Yowch."

Jake leaned in. "You okay?" Jake started poking and pinching Finn all over.

"Hey! Dude, stop fretting okay?"

"Let me fret Finn. I'm a fretter. That what I do. I fret. I'm pretty sure it came with the magical powers." Jake finished his examination by patting Finn on the head a couple of times.

Much to Finn's dismay, it actually felt nice.

"So since it's past midnight, I guess it's Beemo's birthday...dang." Finn looked down at his busted arm. "I almost pulled it off. I found Marvin. Helped Marceline. Mussie got her spar. Sorta. And Penny still got her whatcha-ma-callems. But I'm pretty sure I dropped the speakers when that monster nailed me. I was so sure I could pull it off..."

"_**WHATEVER DO YOU MEAN, FINN?"**_

Beemo popped out from beneath the covers, broke into dance, and yelled, _**"CHECK ME OUT. I AM VERY MUCH STYLING RIGHT NOW." **_The two speakers were taped sloppily on top of Beemo's head. The silver color still had a reddish hue from blood stains, but Beemo didn't seem to mind.

Finn looked at Mussie with a big grin. "Awesome. Thanks a ton."

"Not me sport," She replied. "you had a death grip on those things. While I was carrying you home, you kept singing happy birthday in your sleep."

_**"THANK YOU FINN. I ALWAYS BROUGHT THE FUNK, BUT NOW I CAN BRING THE NOISE AS WELL."**_

"Beemo!" Jake admonished, "Who said you could open your gifts early?"

Beemo suddenly froze in the middle of his dance. His smiling face turned into a screen that said 'Be back in ten minutes', and his speakers started blaring waiting room music.

Everyone in the room put their hands on their hips and said in unison,

"OOOH BEEEMO!"

* * *

><p><strong>Author's note.<strong>

Oh Beemo, you rascal you!

I finally took two minutes to look around and found the fancy line divider. No more 000000's for you. Welcome to the future. There's dancing robots.

Some of you might be asking, "What about Lucky?" Or maybe you like, totally forgot about her. Which is cool. ON OPPOSITE DAY! Burn.

Her story will take place over the course of all the stories. The Promise Story is done. It was a little rough, but it should give you a general idea of whether you hate my writing or not. Next stories should move along a little smoother.

Next chapter will start a new tale. Something more... Jakey, perhaps?

I like reading action, but actually writing it is yoga balls hard. I love writing dialogue though. Don't be surprised if you find a story in here that's nothing but dialogue one day.

Read. Enjoy. Criticize.


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